Today.
Today is a great day, a day full of hope. It's crisp clear and cold.
Today is the day that I try to reclaim my life.
I'm depressed. There's no other word for it. For years now, I've been subject to worsening mood swings and gut-wrenching despair and blackness, but more importantly debilitating rage at the world around me. On the surface all seems fine, but to those close to me, the situation is all too apparent. For those of you who've known me a long time, you'll be thinking "he's always been like that", and to a degree you're right - but never this bad. We laugh and joke about me being a miserable [word censored], but the truth of the matter is I am. I have to change this. I cannot carry on like this.
Today. Why today? Why not? Today I am starting training again. So whilst physically training, I am going to be mentally training. Today is a new day. Today is a glorious spring day. Time for some spring cleaning.
Tomorrow never comes, and tomorrow is too late.
Today, I attempt to concentrate on the important things in my life. Me and my family and my friends. Nothing else matters. I am tired of raging at the world around me and that further afield. I cannot deal with my own problems, let alone deal with everyone else's.
Today I stop reading newspapers.
Today I stop watching the news.
Today I stop listening to live radio news.
Today I stop reading internet news and forums that make me want to shout at the screen.
Today I stop using facebook. I'll leave the account so you can contact me via messages. I am lucky to count so many people who call me friend. But I'm spread too thin. I'm worn out.
Today.
Today I embark on a journey to try and recover the happy, bouncy person that my wife married and that my kids need. I'll need some help along the way because this won't be easy. There are changes to be made. To me and my environment. I apologise if these affect you adversely. I apologise if we fall out of contact. You know where I am.
Today is where my life is. Here. Not yesterday, not somewhere else, not tomorrow. Tomorrow is to look forward to, but today is more important.
Today.

I'll see you all around.
(Keep up the good work Woza. So long and thanks for all the fish)

Yep, today is a great day .... but not for starting life as a recluse or a C21st hermit, Mr M! Today is a great day to focus on your life balance and to rediscover proportionality. A great day to commit to having a walk at least twice a week, a night out at the theatre on a regular basis, to keeping in touch with friends regularly and to accepting life will always have its ups & downs & we all have to live with our limitations. Your declaration sounds a bit unilateral? I'm guessing your wife & family would be happy with some changes too but it has to be a shared undertaking? Good luck with the new journey!

And don't forget: a rest is as good as a change; though I guess you will not be reading this Mr M.

Today is indeed a glorious day.

That sounds like a lot of changes in one day. One step at a time might be easier to manage and less likely to fail and send you back to square one. Don't be too hard on yourself.

And if it makes you feel any better, I could be talked into putting one very small dog on the lead when (some) runners pass

Take care.

The Black dog is difficult to restrain.

I have suffered from depression myself for many years.

I find that getting drunk and writing [word censored] on ere helps, taking life too seriously doesn't.

Exercise releases all those endorphins which put one on a high, but I think competitive sport could be a tricky one , there lies room for failure and rivalry which can feed the monster.

I think the key to coping with depression is to recognise it when it raises it's ugly head and I think that's why Churchill called it his " Black Dog" that way it can be consigned to part of ones brain as a separate entity from normal thoughts.

There are some good drugs available from the quack, but they all have side effects, I know from my own experiences that those can outweigh the benefits but the difference in ones mood when they take effect for the first time is dramatic. For myself, hard manual work has taken their place.

Understanding why you feel the way you do is important too and counselling should not be dismissed. I had a good few sessions based on the theories of Eric Berne who wrote a book in the 60s called 'The Games People Play'. We are all locked into patterns of behaviour that repeat themselves and are destructive.

BTW I am conscious that I have no idea which way round to use " & ', could KC advise?

There are a number on on here that have obviously (because I have got to know them) been riding waves of manic depress for many years.

The thing is that the ones I know I like, and I like them because in they are interesting and have basic manners. I do not want to know any that are (in order) rude, ignorant, and self obsessed.

This is an intelligent and friendly site. If you talk too much rubbish about one thing people will spend a long time simply not reading your posts, rather than saying they are bored; and when you do stop being boring someone will notice.

Avoiding the news is what I have done for years, and it helps a lot; and physical work is one of the best weapons against depression, as this poem by a dead bloke points out, but the mental work of a message board at the right dose can help a lot as well.

If you have returned to look at this post Moose, have a look in to 'NLP', a process of changing your responses by changing your perception of the world. This is my advice as an individual, not as a nurse.
In addition as others have stated, exercise is superb to combat depression. Alternatively see your GP. He/she can offer counselling in addition to drug therapy (which has helped many).
Most of all mate, the first step is to recognise your problem and how you are affecting others so congratulations on that mate. The second step is to do something about it.
Best of luck to you, you deserve it.