There are two steps that seperate heaven from Hell and they are uphill. Downstairs is a world of nothing is too much trouble and helpful old men and Giles, ready to pull out sample boards of festoon or incandescent carbon filament tip anchored lamp in response to ones offerings of a few scraps of threaded brass and conical shards of glass. Sure, for one week every year they sell their soul and buy in lots of crap and label the item with ridiculously high prices which they then Babe Ruth with biro and re label with another slightly above it's true value, but the rest of the time the goods are fit for purpose and who can be arsed to drive to Do It all to buy cheaper?

Upstairs is the domain of the blue rinsed shop assistant and electric kettles with cloth covered flex and round pin plugs. it smells of wee wee and weed killer and the prices are even more ridiculous.

My heart fell, when I was told by the hardware department that the self adhesive plastic hooks were 'up there' and I tucked my wallet into my sock and counted back the months since my last tetanus jab. I found the plastic self adhesive hooks next some flat foil covered discs and some sort of huge pippet tube, cake icing/penis enlarging combo gig. The price was GBP.59 each (for the hooks) and there was no biro strike out or second chance offers. I thought I would take qty 10, this being an nice round number and leaving £4.10 change from a tenner which is actually the cost of a Lishman sausage filled bap and a large capp at IS Co.

The trip home was a hurried one! I couldn't wait to get started on my DIY adventure. Hook one was designated for keys, just inside the back door, hmm, not sticking too good? never mind, still 9 left, ,maybe a quick wipe with meths would be an idea before fixing. Hook two goes on the same foot print as the first which has now fallen on the floor under it's own weight. The meths trick succeeds in foiling gravity and soon all but the first casuality and one spare are bearing their own weight for several seconds. Time to celebrate, where's that corkscrew, it's never at hand..? hey what better use for number hook 10?

Well I'll tell what would have been a better use for all ten hooks, if I could think of one; tethering points for disabled butterflies perhaps? or maybe small oval shaped grease proof paper dispensers? I regretted not testing the alleged self adhesive properties of the whole contents of the hook display carton in a jabbing action at the Mortens ladies neck in an attempt to emulate an ineept asthmatics attempt at a hicky.

Take the 59p challenge tomorrow, buy a hook.

Good on you Thorndyke. A bloke's arc of the hero, though not a Hollywood arc, because in a film you would have got your hooks to stick; but well done for writing it down. If no male fussed about the sharpness of the flint we would still be throwing rocks at each other and running up trees at the first sign of trouble.

As a man that has had Self adhesive hook.trauma when younger I will be Yoda in my own head, at least whilst I drunkenly type about Self adhesive hook.trauma

They only ever work on glass or uPVC; and then only with the right thickness of spit. On anything less smooth they just do not stick. They can do with glue; but if you do glue, then rubber cement glue and holding are by far the best: though I have no clue where you could buy rubber cement glue (the Copydex of my youth).

Surely the confession that a member of the male species has degenerated to the level of countenancing the purchase of self-adhesive hooks demands immediate censorship by Woza & the immediate cessation of this thread.

Happenchance if this thread continues we'll soon be seeing advice from yummie mummies about the superior attributes of metal-threaded screws, wall plugs, drill diameters and the like....... & then where we will all end up?

Not to mention the profligacy of such a purchase when the £ is in freefall.

I have the answer!!!!!

We have SAHs in situ and they have remained there for at leat 6 months.

I will share the secret...

Allow a 4 year old to place SAHs. They will put them upside down. Not so much a hook as a beak.

Clearly no good for hanging anything. But they stay where you put them.

I told you didn't I? Mary Jane is a yummy mummy if ever I saw one.
No longer will the secret tricks of fastening and securing be confined to us fellas. Soon they'll all be at it and peraps even doing it better than us. We'll be denied the satisfaction of accomplishing these tedious tasks and we'll loose the rewards due to us.
.... won't be able to say, gravely, " Now then lass, I've put up those cup hooks you asked me about 15 years ago, so I'm off to see Terry down at the Bah Tat"

Jasper wrote:
.... won't be able to say, gravely, " Now then lass, I've put up those cup hooks you asked me about 15 years ago, so I'm off to see Terry down at the Bah Tat"

Doesn't depend on hook-fixage. Mrs O (who weighs next to nowt and whose Y-M factor is off the scale) is dead keen whenever there's a trip to Bar T'at and is usually seen - delicately an very nicely - splashing about in a pint of Golden Pippin.

Jasper wrote:
I told you didn't I? Mary Jane is a yummy mummy if ever I saw one.


I confess I may have yummy mummy tendencies, just a bit less Boden. But don't worry, I will continue to be generally useless at 'fixing and securing' until Him Indoors can work out how to clean the bathroom and write a useful shopping list. Only then will there be time in my coffee and muffin lifestyle for 'fixing and securing'.